coca cola
by cursed-horsefish
Summary: Incidents in which England wonders were did he go wrong. CH 9 England meets the pets of his former colonies.
1. coca cola

Disclaimer: I don't own anything seriously I don't, I don't even own my own car my parents do.

Summary: It's moments like these that England wonders where he went wrong in raising Alfred.

Warnings: country and human names used, some use of the word hell, my bad spelling and grammar. I tried so be nice when pointing it out ok? I'm also trying to improve that a bit.

* * *

They were in North Africa, after countless meetings between the allies to figure out what to do about this bloody war. They were finally there, but he wasn't thinking about that.

It was hot and his uniform was stuffy, and heavy, he wasn't thinking about that.

There was sand in his shoes, and his hair was sticking to his head in a funny way, he wasn't thinking about that either.

No what Arthur Kirkland aka England was thinking was, were had he gone wrong in raising the young man standing cheerily before him.

Who was this young man? Why Alfred F Jones, aka America who else could it be. Sure he had been disappointed, annoyed, and even murderous towards his younger siblings before, hard not to be with the amount of colonies he had, but America made it a point to be extra annoying. You would think Arthur would be used to it by now.

So why was he wondering where he had gone wrong in raising Alfred, why it was the three _complete_ Coca Cola bottling plants. Three of them, complete, in North Africa, in the middle of a war, with a grinning American standing in front of them, like they were the greatest addition to the war effort anyone had ever made. A bug just flew into his ear and he didn't care.

"England you ok because you have bugs making homes in your hair… and ears." It was the sound of that voice that finally snapped him out of it. Slowly he looked up at the grinning blue eyed blond before him and he snapped.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU… YOU STUPID **AMERICAN **IDIOT, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, BRINGING THOSE THINGS?" He had his hands wrapped around Americas's neck and was throttling him, too occupied with yelling to register the bobbing head and gagging noises coming from the startled American.

"England are you ok? I'm just asking because you're kind of strangling Alfred." He stopped ringing Americas neck long enough to look at the confused Canadian standing beside him.

"This idiot brought three complete coca cola bottling plants with him." He nodded towards the plants currently being set up, still not releasing America's neck.

"Yeah so?" Canada looked confused. If England had two extra hands he would have been tempted to strangle him to.

"So, so what the hell do you mean so? Do you know how much _useful _cargo he could have brought in place of those things, A HECK OF A LOT THAT'S HOW MUCH, BUT INSTEAD HE BRINGS THREE COMPLETE **COCA COLA BOTTLING PLANTS." **Canada had backed away from England now, as he once more began yelling and wringing the neck of the still chocking America.

"Sir, hey check out what the Americans brought, isn't it cool do you want one?" England stopped his neck wringing, for the second time, to stare at the young _English_ solder that had walked up to him, holding several bottle of freshly bottled coca cola.

* * *

Revised it hopefully it's a bit easier to read now (tell me if I screwed up and it's harder). So tell me what you think and anything helpful for my writing is welcome to just be nice.


	2. food of mass destruction

Just something I was thinking of the other day.

Warnings: England's cooking and personified states. Also my not so great writing skill be nice.

Summary: England is contemplating other nations when they make a rather unfair decision about him.

England was sitting in his chair in the back of the room watching America talk. He wasn't listening, just watching as the idiot continued to spew nonsense for what felt like hours. Now normally England being the gentleman he was, tried to listen even if it was America spewing nonsense, but today he just couldn't bring himself to listen it was just too much work.

He was just contemplating if anyone would notice if he began eating the scones he brought with him for lunch, when he heard something rather odd. America had stopped talking, quite suddenly, right in the middle of a rant about robots turning wind turbines. With the utmost caution he raised his head to look America full in the face, only to see the normally hyperactive nation standing still as stone and staring at the door. England, along with every other nation was staring at the door wondering what it had done to silence America, and if it would possibly share its secrets.

At this point you would be expecting the door to be blow open, well it didn't it opened very slowly and quietly as if hoping no one notices it. Next a young woman's head appeared around the door and blushed red at seeing all the nations staring at her.

"Virginia?"

The woman now known as Virginia gave a sheepish grin. "Yeah, I didn't mean to bother you, I just forgot that you would notice me coming. I'll leave in just a minute, I just need to pick up a better weapon."

"Everything should be at home I don't have any weapons on me." America looked totally confused at this point, as he watched the state scan the room as if looking for someone in particular.

"I know you can't bring any weapons here. I've actually already gone through everything you left at the house, so I'm looking for something a little more effective. Aha there you are." She began walking across the room towards England, who had watched the entire exchange with something approaching mild interest that is until she stole his scones. Before he could even think to form a protest she had made her way to the window, were she proceeded to through one of the scones at someone on the street below. England's cry of dismay was drowned out by an even louder cry of pain from below.

"Thanks England." With those parting words, the now cheerful state as good as skipped out of the meeting room with her newly acquired weapons. The room was once more silent as the gathered nations looked between the now closed door, the still oddly silent American, and the shocked Englishman.

"So…" America began with some traces of shock still evident in his voice. "All those in favor of making England's cooking a weapon of mass destruction say Aye." At this he raised his own hand in favor of the proposition.

"AYE" England was ignored in the back of the room, where he was making strange gurgling noises and staring in shock at the nations who were now celebrating the first decision ever made without a fight, since these meetings began, and it was against his food.


	3. Intermission Canada

Normal disclaimer applies I own nothing.

Please constructive criticism no freaking out over something I screwed up on.

Summary – England goes on a trip to north America. He hopes that Canada will be much more relaxing than America. Boy was he wrong.

**This is a line**

One Arthur Kirkland aka England aka the united kingdom of great Britain and northern Ireland, gave a sigh of relief. He had come to north America to visit his two former charges now full grown nations. Alfred F. Jones aka the Untied States of America aka America Aka the one with to many ways to abbreviate his name. Along with Matthew Williams aka Canada.

He had just arrived in Canada that afternoon after a far to long visit to America. That man could be annoying beyond belief and he could fully understand why Kiku always acted so odd. You would have to, to be friends with someone like Alfred.

But now he didn't have to worry about crazed Americans and their equally odd friends, no now he was in Canada. Home to a almost identical in appearance, but far different in nature, young man. No Mathew and Alfred may have both had blond hair and been the same height but the similarity's ended in appearance. Were Alfred was loud Matthew was quite. Were Alfred ate odd food in odder colors, Matthew ate very good food in normal colors. Were Alfred was rude and self centered, Matthew was kind to a fault. Visiting Canada would be a far better experience than visiting America.

"England did you enjoy your dinner?" He looked at up at the sound of the soft voice. Matthew was smiling at him kindly with only a ting of hope and apprehension being allowed to show in his pail violet eyes.

For his part England couldn't think of a single reason for Matthew to be worried he was one of the best cooks he knew. He supposed it could be attributed to being raised at least partially by France, but he would never admit that. Instead he smiled brightly at the young nation before he replied.

"Yes it was wonderful I haven't had a stew quite like that in ages." The young man practically beamed at him thrilled with the praise he so rarely got. It always triggered a small bit of guilt in England when he saw this. The nation before him was always being overshadowed by his brother. It was rather sad really since Matthew had just as much to offer as Alfred but a pacifistic and soft spoken nature made it hard for him to get the recognition he deserved. England was no different from the other nations in his overlooking of Canada.

"Thanks England. Do you need anything else?" Yes that was Matthew kind to a fault.

"No I'm fine I was actually thinking I might turn in early it's been a stressful week I'm sure you understand since you have to put up with Alfred all the time." He got a understanding and long suffering smile from the Canadian. With a short good night the two parted ways Mathew to the kitchen and him to the guest room.

**This is also a line**

Matthews house was good sized large enough for him his provinces and territories as well as a couple guests. This still meant it was only a fifth of the size of Americas house, or his own when he had been the British empire. Though Matthews backward was far larger than his brothers and could rival Russia's. Still it was a nice house a mixture of old fashion and modern. The outside looked like a log cabin while the inside was modern and spacious with a few rustic touches.

The guest room England was staying in was like the rest of the house. Plush cream colored carpet walls painted a few shades darker with pail blue trim. A stone fire place in the corner with a small flat screen TV above it. While several landscapes depicting the Canadian wilderness hung about the room. The furniture was wood carved in a modern design including the lamps. There were two doors one for a moderately sized closest and another to a decent sized bathroom. The window faced north towards the mountains and forest while windows on the south side of the house overlooked Ottawa. To top it off the dark blue and cream bedding was a feather bed, to compensate for those cold Canadian winters of coarse. It seemed Canada was a good decorator as well as a cook, and though England wouldn't admit it even if forced to Marry Russia, France, and America, all at once. It seemed Canada had gotten the best of what both he and France could offer with few if any of the down sides.

England spent the next couple hours reading a book and watching the local news before turning in. Smiling at the thought of the soft fluffy bed. He was soon dead to the world.

In hindsight maybe feather beds weren't such a good thing if England hadn't been in such a deep sleep he would have noticed the odd noises in his room much sooner. As it was England didn't noticed anything amiss until something very heavy jumped on his bed.

England woke with a startled snort and opened blurry eyes. Once his eyes adjusted to the light coming from the sliver of moon light coming in through the window, he began looking around for the disturbance. His eyes soon landed on something large and white staring at him from the end of the bed. Normally this wouldn't have been enough to scare England but the fact that it had glowing red eyes made him wary. When it opened its very large mouth to reveal long white fangs he decided he might be in trouble. When it began moving towards the top of the bed while sniffing the covers as if searching for prey he decided to jump out of bed with a very dignified and manly scream and walk quickly, not run, to Matthews room.

**This to is a line**

Matthew was woken from a very nice dream in the early hours of the morning by a rather high pitched scream from down the hall. His first thought was he didn't have any girls staying in his house at this point in time, his second thought was Alfred must have been watching scary movies again. Matthews third thought was complete shock as a panicked Englishman came barging in to his room looking like he'd just run full sprint down the hall.

"Quick quick some sort of wild animal got into the house. It's on my bed. It wanted to eat me." Matthew was beginning to understand were Alfred got his overactive imagination from. They may have been able to see the woods but they were to close to the city for anything dangerous to be hanging around.

"Ok England hang on just a second and I'll see what it is." He reached out a hand to grab the robe hanging on the bed post but before he could think England had grabbed his out stretched had and dragged him out of bed.

"If you don't hurry it might not still be there then who knows were it could end up." With that England pulled him from his room and down the hall to the guest room. The other man didn't even notice the perturbed look on the mild mannered Canadians face, a look normally reserved for Alfred.

**Line Line Line**

England dragged Matthew into his room thoughts running around his head faster then he could keep up with. Mainly they were along the lines of theirs a wild animal in his bed but the younger man had been more concerned with grabbing a robe. It's not like you need to cover up your pajamas for crying out loud.

He pushed the taller man into the room before him in hopes the younger man could deal with whatever strange creature had gotten in the house. With a soft click of a switch the light turned on revealing a large white lump curled up in the center of the disheveled bed.

Before England could even get a good look at the animal on the bed Matthew had already moved and... did he just _pick it up_. England's eyes doubled in size as Matthew turned around holding a large white polar bear.

After several moments of staring in shock England began to notice the Canadian speaking to him. ".... just Kumajiro nothing to be worried about. He must have thought you were me. He's had a cold so he can't smell as well as normal probably...." He stopped hearing what the younger man was saying as his brain finally began to process what he was seeing.

He stated at the young blond haired man standing before him with a perturbed look on his face. He was covered by nothing more than a polar bear hanging just barely in front of his vital regions. England screamed.

"Y.... You.... You're and you.... and …. Why.... wearing.. nothing." This was as close to coherent speech as England could get, shocked at seeing the young man standing before him in the nude.

"Yes I'm not wearing anything England I never do when I sleep that's why I wanted the robe." Matthew still looked perturbed.

England's last thoughts before he passed out were _'I blame France.' _

Canada's last thoughts before returning to bed were that he owed America a hundred dollars.

**Line Line Line**

And that's it America isn't the only one with quirks that drive England mad. The only difference is when it comes to Canada he can always blame France.


	4. Driving with America

Summary: The dysfunctional family of America, Canada, England, and France go for a picnic for old time's sake. England and France find themselves screaming a lot while Canada hands out free drugs. America doesn't notice any of it.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Please be nice to me I know my spelling and grammar aren't the best but if your only reviewing to get all worked up over it please don't, constructive criticism welcome.

**Line Line Line**

It was a peaceful day in the Arizona desert the sun was shining brightly, the cacti were being pointy, and the sand sandy, and the Englishman screaming in the background was screaming in a very unmanly way.

…

_Wait a minute?_

At that moment the peace of the desert was disturbed by a fast moving red blur that seems to be screaming with a high pitched English accent.

If one happened to record the event and then replay it in slow motion, they would find instead that the red blur was actually a red ford mustang with white and blue stars on the sides. If one were to pause it they would find that the license plate read USA1.

If you haven't already guessed who this vehicle belongs to taking a look in the window would revile none other than America. It should be noted that the distinctly British screaming was coming from England. Surprisingly there were two other people in the car as well. One was acting as if this were an everyday occurrence while the last was whimpering. These two other people would be a whimpering France and an oddly calm Canada.

Now let's go back to real time and find out why our favorite European is screaming.

"**" **Was the only thing to escape England's mouth as he watched their speed climb to ninety miles an hour. Unfortunately inside the car one could barely hear England screaming over the rap music America was playing at full blast.

"THIS IS GREAT ISN'T IT? ALL OF US GOING OUT FOR A PICNIC JUST LIKE OLD TIMES" The screaming became louder as America turned his head towards the back seat so he could look at England and France. He ended up turning even farther so he could get a better look at them, making England even louder. England and France were huddled in the middle of the back seat clutching each other like a life line.

"HEY YOU TWO AREN'T CAR SICK ARE YOU?" Ever observant the terrified screaming was completely lost on America.

No in fact England and France weren't car sick they were scared to death. Why? Because America was driving, now normally this wouldn't be bad it was how he was driving that was scaring them.

America currently had his head craned back to look at the two cowering nations. In his left hand he held a hamburger and in his right he held a supper sized coke. He was steering with his knees occasionally moving his right leg to speed up the car. The only thing keeping them on the road was Canada occasionally coming out of his oblivious state to pull the wheel in one direction or another.

France managed to calm down enough to give a slight shake of his head to the still staring American.

"KAY WHATEVER." With that America finally turned back to the road, at the same time moving his leg once more to speed up the car while taking a bite of his hamburger.

England screamed louder, France just whimpered and hid his face in England's shirt. Canada taking notice of the two's distress turned around in his seat.

"DON'T WORRY HE DRIVES LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME." With that he turned around and continued staring out the window a slight dazed look on his face. France started screaming.

**Line Line Line**

They had finally reached the picnic spot an hour earlier then they normally would have driving at a normal speed. Yet it was a life time for England and France. They had barely noticed the calm desert or the Native American ruins their picnic spot was in front of as they jumped from the car. England had actually kissed the ground until France reminded him he was kissing America. Then they just celebrated not being dead.

Now they were sitting at the picnic table all food long since eaten, contemplating a way to keep America from driving them back.

"Hey guys I'm gonna start putting everything back in the car so we can go back once you're done watching the sunset. I'll drive again okay I don't want anyone doing anything but relaxing and having fun while they're here." With that the, as usual oblivious American ran off to the crookedly parked car.

They were so distressed that they didn't notice the beautiful desert sunset. Certainly they didn't notice the nearly invisible Canadian coming up behind them. That would be why they both jumped and screamed when he set his hands on their shoulders.

The two traumatized nations turned to see Canada giving them a sympathetic smile. Then he reached behind them and grabbed two cans of soda from the picnic basket and placed them in front of the two confused nations. Giving them another smile he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle labeled Valium. He took two pills from the bottle and placed one in front of each of them. Then he gave them one last smile pocketed the bottle and walked away.

**Line Line Line**

America looked around as he drove. The car was much quieter going back then it was coming. Glancing in the rear view mirror he saw England and France fast asleep with England lying on top of France his head pillowed on the older nations stomach. Looking to the side he noticed his brother had on his headphones and was softly singing a song to himself as he looked out the window. America shrugged and turned back to the road.

As the patriotic car drove past the same spot we saw it earlier one would notice that the car is going exactly five miles over the speed limit and that America was driving with both hands on the wheel and both feet on the floor. His companions were two drugged to notice.

**Line Line Line**

I had this idea a couple months ago after a guy in my English class did a paper on drunk driving and used a friend of his as an example. The guy was pulled over for drunk driving while driving the exact way America was except with a beer instead of a soda. I instantly pictured America driving like this with England screaming his lungs out next to him. Next this I know France and Canada joined and this is what happened. If anyone is wondering (probably not) their picnic spot is the casa Grande ruins.

As for the Valium yes it can knock you out my mom got some to keep her calm in the weeks before a surgery just a fourth of a pill turns her into a zombie for the day.


	5. Intermission Ireland?

Summary – England's older brothers wonder where they went wrong.

Ok the normal goes here please don't kill me over spelling or grammar.

Intermission Ireland???

*******************

"I blame you."

"How is it my fault?"

"You dropped him on his head."

"So did you"

"Yes but I never dropped him on a rock, twice."

The two stopped their bickering long enough to watch their younger brother rolling down a steep hill trying to get a wheel of cheese.

"I thought it would help."

"He invented cheese rolling right after you dropped him how is that helping?" He gave a yank at his dark red hair.

"Well Rolling down the hill could have done it to." Ireland pushed some bright red hair from his face and pouted.

There was a sympathetic groan from the crowd as England tripped over a stone and went flying down the hill only to get hit in the head by the cheese he was trying to catch.

"That had to hurt." They glanced down in surprise they had forgotten that Wales was watching England make a fool of himself as well.

"It's still your fault."

"Go to hell."

"I'm already in hell it's called Great Britain." Scotland smirked as Ireland pouted. Wales's just sighed and got up to follow his brother as the medics took him off the field on a stretcher.

****************

Cheese rolling the funniest and possibly most dangerous sport around. Ok I'm pretty sure that it's impossible to be hit in the head with the cheese in cheese rolling but if it can be done England would. If you're interested there are youtube videos of cheese rolling.


	6. In a land down under

Retiles are fun

Summary: England visits Australia and sees some wildlife.

**LINE LINE LINE**

"I mean honestly who keeps a bear in their house. At least his brother keeps his pets outside." England was doing what he did best, ranting.

"Humm." Australia was doing what he did best, pretending to listen to England while scanning the horizon for anything interesting.

Currently the odd pair was walking along Australia's northern coast. England had wanted to get away from everything and decided he hadn't seen Australia in a while not to mention Australia was as far away from everything as he could get.

"And how does a bear grow from the size of a stuffed animal to twice the size of an adult, is that even possible? That bear of yours doesn't grow dose it?" Apparently England had recently had a bed experience with Canada's Polar bear.

"Kazoo isn't a bear he's a koala and no they don't change sizes at random." Was that something moving over there?

"What's the difference between a bear and a Koala they look almost alike." Despite all his travels England had rarely taken an interest in the local wildlife.

"A Koala is a marsupial and a bear is a… hey what's that?" Australia ran off into the distance after something England couldn't see. Why was it that every nation he had ever raised have a short attention span.

Honestly every nation he raised, completely on his own was hyperactive and had a short attention span. When he found a nation that was already grown they were normal enough.

India and Egypt were perfectly sane and had creepy amounts of self control. Even when someone else helped raise them they didn't end up hyper. Canada spent the first part of his life with France and he was incredibly subdued. Well if you ignored Hokey and the polar bear.

Yet the ones he raised with no intervention ended up hyperactive crazy and with attention spans that made gold fish look bright.

"Hey England look what I found." Childish they were childish to. Finally he looked up to see what his wild child had found this time and fell backwards with a scream.

Standing before him was Australia holding a fully grown crocodile. The thing had to be at least three meters long (around 10 feet) and weigh almost four hundred kilos (around a 1000lb). It didn't help that Australia was holding it so England could get the best view of its head, sharp teeth and all, it didn't look happy.

"Hey England are you ok?" Australia was a bit worried, the older nation had taken one look at the croc and fell on to the ground with a shriek.

"Yes, yes I'm fine you just startled me is all." That crocodile didn't look happy; of course he didn't know a reptile that would be happy being held like a puppy.

"Oh that's good and you might not want to move." Was that crocodile leering at him?

"Why would I not want to move?" What now.

"Well there's a death adder by your head." Slowly England glanced to the side only to see a brownish colored snake glaring at him from a few feet away.

For the next ten minutes England would lay stiff in the dirt listening to Australia make cooing noises to the highly venomous snake. The crocodile looking rather resigned as it dangled from one of the Australians arms. England spent this time to wonder what he had done to deserve this.

**LINE LINE LINE**


	7. and that is not America

Summary: in which American makes a bigger fool of himself than normal… wait a minute what do you mean that's not America?

* * *

"And that's how we're going to save the polar bears by genetically engineering them with alien DNA, allowing them to detach their balls and impregnate a female miles away from their current location. We're also considering a similar procedure using the uterus and eggs of females." Silence complete and utter silence.

It was the most ridiculous convoluted obscurely obscene thing they had ever heard involving an endangered species and an alien.

"Matthew are you ok." The Canadian nation glanced over at his brother who was currently gaping at him like a fish.

"Of course I'm fine Alfred, and close your mouth or France might put something in it." America's mouth snapped shut.

"Matthew it's just … well that speech was rather… out of character for you." It was England who was foolish enough to speak this time.

"It was only out of character because you normally don't pay attention to my speeches. It's a really great idea Aliens are way more advanced than us we can use them to help save our dying species." England stared at the Canadian for a moment before turning to his twin brother.

America was looking back at him, a look of pure terror on his face. England gulped what was the world coming to.

()()()()()

Ok based on conversation me and a friend had way to late at night everything is accurate except we used space monkeys instead of polar bears.


	8. Jail

Summary: England has friends to, the pitiful brothers and France.

Warning: Same old same old so Germany still can't kill me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing I barely have friends of my own.

Part one of England has Friends to:

**"A good friend will bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying 'THAT WAS FREAKIN AWSOME! LETS DO IT AGAIN!'**

England groaned, he had a terrible hangover his head was throbbing he and felt like he had been run over by a Chinese man driving an Italian car. Slowly he opened his eyes only to wince in the harsh light in his concrete and Plexiglas room. Moments later the smell of unwashed body's and vomit had him running to empty the contents of his stomach in the small metal toilet.

"Oi are you ok?" Slowly he lifted his throbbing head from the metal hole in the wall that passed for a toilet. He then proceeded to push his head back into his metallic salvation as he say who was in the small cell with him.

"Guess not, oh well" The silver haired man stood from his place on the slab of concrete that passed as a bed and made his way over to his English cohort.

"What happened?" England said from his place in the toilet as the former nation of Prussia came to his side to watch his misery.

"Well we got really drink and stole a car from China who was borrowing it from Italy and then you got run over when China got the car back. Then the police showed up and threw us in this cell. And you know what?" Prussia leaned down so he could clearly see the glare being sent his way from inside the toilet.

"That was FREAKING AWSOME. We have got to do that again." The guards would later have to separate the two as England kept trying to shove Prussia's head down the toilet.


	9. Of pets and children

Summary – Former English colonies have several things in common surprisingly it's not just eyebrows.

Disclaimer –nope still own nothing

Warning – we all know by this point I have bad spelling and grammar right? Oh good be nice please.

**Line Line Line **

It was glaring at him.

There was a bear like, but not really a bear creature glaring at him. It had gray fur a large nose and red eyes and it was glaring at him.

He was quite sure this particular species wasn't supposed to have red eyes. He was also sure that they were herbivores but he wouldn't take his chances with this one.

In fact the only thing he was sure of with this particular Koala was it belonged to Australia and if he tried to pick it up to bring it back to its owner it would bite him, Bugger.

Well he would just have to find the wild child and have him come get the thing. He couldn't very well let it stay on his bed.

**Line Line Line**

Now where could that boy be? Well if he couldn't find him he could just ask someone.

Currently he had several of his former colonies staying with him for something vaguely resembling a family reunion. It wasn't a commonwealth meeting because there were several commonwealth nations missing while a couple non commonwealth ones' were here. That meant he had to deal with America and Hong Kong running around setting off fireworks. Those two liked those things far more than was healthy.

He barely had time to notice he had stepped on something before he heard a threatening growl. Looking down he saw a pair of yellow slit pupil eyes glaring up at him from a face with many, many pointy teeth. England wasn't too much of a man to admit he let out a very, undignified squeak as he came face to face with Indies pet Bengal Tiger.

Bloody hell this just wasn't his day.

**Line Line Line **

England slumped into a kitchen chair. His hair was even more of a mess than usual and his once pristine clothes were torn in several places. He was just glad India had trained her tiger not to kill those who annoyed it.

He looked up from the table when he heard sounds coming from his refrigerator. It turned out to be a small white bear systematically eating everything in his fridge.

He'd almost forgotten Canada was there as well until he'd seen the glutinous bear. Well at least this particular pet was harmless.

There was a low growl from the bear.

Returning his attention to the creature he concluded that it was mostly harmless. The formally harmless bear had grown from the size of a cub to the size of a full grown bear and was growling at him. In its moth was a Tupperware containing the leftovers from England's dinner the night before.

Deciding to concede when a large carnivorous animal said his food was terrible England jumped from his seat and ran from the room.

**Line Line Line **

Surly he would be safe in here. None of his former colonies pets would hide in a closet.

Let's see what animals had he not run into yet?

The demon Koala was on his bed last he checked.

The tiger was mopping in the hallway after England managed to escape it.

The Polar bear was eating him out of house and home. That left Hong Kong and New Zealand. They were the only other nations staying with him who brought pets. American thankfully didn't have any pets.

"Let's see I haven't seen New Zealand's Kiwi yet but it's almost as evil as Australia's Koala so I need to keep an eye out for it. Now if only I could remember what Hong Kong keeps as a pet? It's something odd I know but what is it?" While England was talking to himself he didn't notice said pet sneaking up on him.

England had just enough time to notice something flying at him before it hit him in the face.

"GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH" England knocked the closet door off as he ran from the room. There was a large jumping spider on his face and he felt entitled to freak out. At least now he remembered what Hong Kong kept as a pet.

**Line Line Line**

England panted, he had managed to knock the spider from his face and run as fast as he could from the house. He was now lying in his front yard exhausted and wondering why someone nice as Hong Kong would keep such a thing as a pet. Really an overgrown Jumping spider? That might just be worse than the Koala that started all of this.

England was just drifting off to sleep when he was once again disturbed.

"OW" He twitched as something began pecking at his eye brows. Opening his eyes he saw exactly what he expected.

New Zealand's Kiwi was standing on his chest pecking his eyebrows. Bloody thing must have thought they were caterpillars.

"Get off me you annoying flightless fruit." Said flightless fruit began pecking at his eyes.

**Line Line Line**

England walked into his backyard. He had replaced his torn clothing with a pair of sweat pants and a tee-shirt. There was a large bandage on his forehead from where the kiwi had pecked him and one of his hands was bandaged from where he had been bitten by Australia's Koala.

So overall he had ended up in the exact situation he hadn't wanted to end up in except worse, just brilliant. At least there were no more pets to assault him.

Just as England was breathing a sigh of relief he tripped over something. Not even bothering to grown in pain he simply flipped himself over to look at what he had stumbled into this time.

"Merowe" He jumped up with a slight shriek as he stared at the cat like thing before him.

It sounded like a cat and it was shaped vaguely like a cat, it had cat eyes and that's were the similarities ended. It had large droopy eyes that made him fell like it was begging for something. Its body and legs were long and its head was wedge shaped with a dog like face. Its ears were large and folded forward only emphasizing its odd look. To top it off the cat was completely hairless, with dark gray colored, thick, wrinkly, skin.

England didn't know what to do, which was why the loud voice of America provided a welcome distraction.

"Yeah I got her about a month ago." England had a suspicious feeling.

"But don't you think it looks a little odd?" That was India her voice was unmistakable mostly because she was the only female in the house. Whatever it was it must be pretty odd for it to get to the girl with the pet tiger.

"Odd looking come on, she's the cutest thing ever." The adoring tone of voice America was speaking in would have been hilarious at any other time. Right now it was simply disturbing.

"If you say so Al you always did have odd taste in almost everything." That was Canada dear sweet Canada with the polar that would eat everything including England but excluding his cooking.

"Nah I don't have odd taste in animals she's just so awesome she's on a whole different level you can't comprehend." He just knew it was Gilbert who taught America to act like that it couldn't have been anyone else.

"Whatever keeps you happy." Aw the sarcastic voice of New Zealand he was sure he was never pecked by that pesky feathered fruit.

"Hey where did you get that thing any way?" That was Australia the one who's Koala started this mess.

"Oh actually my boyfriend gave her to me for our five year anniversary …" America said more but England had stopped listening America had a boyfriend and they had been together for five years. Missing that was like missing the alien cat still staring at him. Right well there was only one way for a sensible British gentleman to deal with this.

Jump out from behind the screen door and yell.

"Since when have you had a bloody boy….friend….What… the bloody hell is that?" England's mind had stopped reversed and then started again once he saw America.

America stood before him dressed in his normal attire of jeans cowboy boots bomber jacket and strangely patterned shirt with a cat on his head.

It was identical to the first one but its skin was lighter and its eyes were orange. It was sitting strait backed with its rat like tail curling around America's forehead. Its droopy orange eyes stared right through him.

"Oh this, this is one of my new cats the other one is behind you." At the sound of her owners voice the first cat like thing that might actually be a cat, came running from behind England and climbed up America to rest on his shoulders.

"Why did your boyfriend give you two cats?" Ah the man with the spider Hong Kong. At least he had better taste in questions than pets.

"Well they would get lonely if they were alone." Australia nodded in complete understanding.

Why was it that every country he raised ended up with odd pets? And why did that cat have glowing eyes and a menacing purple aura?

**More Line's **

And that's that just tons of strange animals. It was inspired by the cat that America has I think they're the cutest things in the world. Oh and in an attempt to get reviews can anyone guess who I'm thinking of as America's boyfriend? Hint the cats are breed by his sister and one of them has his personality.


End file.
